i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize