I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
