At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
