I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
