Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
