Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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