You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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