sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
