I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
