You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
