Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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