Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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