Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
