yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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