fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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