my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
