Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
