I cockslap morals
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
