Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
