I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
