there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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