i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
