There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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