I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
