i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
