guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
