I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
