I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
