So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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