real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
