I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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