He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
