Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
