people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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