I think I won the penis lottery.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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