He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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