So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
