mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
