thus making me awesome and them whores
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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