The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
