So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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