What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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