I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My bed smells like the plague
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
