1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
