So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
