Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
