Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
3 2 1 whiskey
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
