i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
