Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
