Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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