the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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